Not a Bad Ride: Stories from a Boomer's Life on the Edge by Eric J. Smith
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Quite simply, this is the best book I’ve read in ages.

I’d come across Eric Smith’s writing before, mostly his flash fiction, and so I was attracted to this, his… “memoir”, I suppose you might describe it. Written as a series of vignettes, the author covers the various phases of his life, with special attention to the period from adolescence through until around forty.

Smith’s writing can only be described as “evocative” – evocative of a mid-west US that probably only exists in my imagination, but nevertheless seems very real all the same. His skill is to make the ordinary seem extraordinary in much the same manner as Alan Bennett and, before him, Joyce Grenfell have done in the UK. The characters are real, the author is real. He doesn’t attempt to paint himself as some sort of hero, or a tortured soul. He’s just ordinary, albeit a little above ordinary in some aspects of his life – he runs, and he writes for a living, although not in a literary sense. But that writing craft shines through; I’ve seen it before, the professional writer – albeit of catalogues, or proposals, or reports – is able to turn those skills to quality literature as a sideline. Much of it is achieved with a turn of phrase; a woman of thirty-six is described as “rode-hard-and-put-away-wet”, for instance. I’d read one or two of these stories elsewhere before and assumed they were fiction, now I realise they weren’t. Because he’s become interested in flash fiction since retiring, the author includes a few examples at the end, but this is an autobiography at heart.

One might say that Eric Smith’s capture of the mid-west voice is all the more remarkable because he isn’t really a mid-westerner at all, but it transpires that he was born in Canada, and there’s perhaps a Canadian accent in that quiet narrative. This is not a book where exclamation marks are to be found; stories tend to end quietly, with a gentle, meditative sentence for the most part. I’ve no idea what the author sounds like, but the reader can imagine. Read the book and you’ll see what I mean.

Because the book consists of these vignettes, it makes for great breakfast-table or bedtime reading – this isn’t a huge tome with which to immerse yourself on a holiday. You can even read his book and something else at the same time – it works fine.

I’ve heard a whisper that Eric Smith is working on a novel. That would be something.

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Everyday Sexism by Laura Bates
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Where to start?

This is NOT a flawless book. The essential theme of Laura Bates’ book is a description of the Everyday Sexism project, in which she invited women to submit their stories and personal experiences detailing harassment, sexual assault, abuse, discrimination, just about ever form of ill-treatment imaginable. The book consists of twelve chapters, most of them devoted in turn to some aspect of society – girls’ experiences, education, the media, politics, motherhood and so on, and in each the structure is the same: Bates describes the problem, then uses copious quotes gathered from her websites and so on as exemplification. There are plenty of quotes, and in truth once you’ve got the general message there’s a temptation (for a man, at least) to skim some of them.

Early on, Laura Bates acknowledges that her research is methodologically imperfect. The women seek her out, which means that by definition she’s generally going to receive endless examples of unhappy women who have had terrible things happen to them. And make no mistake, there are plenty of those examples. However in accepting that her methodology is weak, she airily waves that aside by saying effectively ‘so is all social science research’. Well, Ms Bates, you’re wrong there, and that’s a bit of an insult to social scientists. The thing is, it shouldn’t really matter, but in general the quality of research is guaged by its weakest part, not its strongest, and it might have served the author better to remember that.

Further, some chapters are pretty weak. I wasn’t impressed with the politics chapter especially – too much of the sexist ‘experience’ was from many years previous, and she talks about male domination in politics as if it’s something that no one is trying to address. (And of course, there are plenty of other groups in society who are under-represented in politics, too, such as ethnic minorities, the social classes C2, D and E, rural inhabitants, non-Oxbridge and LBGT.) She really fails to look at why so few women are politicians – is there a correlation, for instance, between where the MP represents and how likely they are to be female? Nor does she acknowledge the efforts made by – and success of – the Scottish Parliament. In general, she relies too much on anecdotal evidence; one-off comments can’t be extrapolated into generalities.

And her own polemic is irritating at times. I began to get annoyed by the number of times she “cried” reading particular things sent in by women, although to be fair that dried up as the book progressed. To quote herself:

“One of the reasons why it is so important to let members of oppressed groups tell their own stories in their own ways is that it’s too easy to think you’re getting it when you’re not.”

Unfortunately, that’s exactly the mistake Laura Bates makes all too often herself.

Too often she makes unsubstantiated statements, which may well be true but need to be backed up by hard objective fact all the same. Sure, women still face the assumption that they won’t be engineers, but it would have been nice to see some concern that women massively outperform men in education generally in the 21st century – better school results, better degrees, more in higher education and so on.

I’d also like to have seen a recognition that women themselves can be the source of the anti-women discrimination. Long ago I used to be a member of golf club where women could only be part-time members, and I led a campaign to allow women full membership. The women were asked if they would like the option, and 133 out of 140 said no, that is they would not like ANYONE to have that option. In the end it was the male members of the club who decided that if one woman wanted to join, then one was enough. It happens.

And yet... this is a life-changing book all the same. At least it was for me. There can be no question that women face a much greater degree of sexism than men do, even although men do face it, too. There’s no question that male primary teachers are still less trusted by parents than ‘comfortable’ female ones. Male PE teachers in particular are targeted for accusations of sexual impropriety, the assumption often being guilty until proven innocent. I’ve experienced sexual ‘touching up’ from women – not very often, mind you.

But three things became clear to me. First of all, the sheer volume of abuse, inappropriate touching or remarks, discrimination, inappropriate assumptions and general denigration of women is wholly on a different scale from what most men can possibly understand. Second – and this was one of those moments that suddenly occurred to me as I was reading the Everyday Sexism, she didn’t write this – it occurred to me that if I’m inappropriately touched or spoken to by a woman, I’m not physically threatened. I can resist, refuse, walk away. That option isn’t open to many women. Sexism really is about power. Finally, Laura Bates says something that I realised is entirely true: men and women don't live in the same world, they live in separate, parallel worlds. And it's hard to see how that could change any time soon.

But I felt that Laura Bates left it too late to deal with the issue of ‘tarring all men with the same brush’. Sure, she does near the end, but we could have done with some worthwhile research about what percentage of men are unaware of the damage they do. We could have used some research into whether sexism is getting better or worse. We could have done with some research into differences in generational attitudes – in women as well as men. Most of all, we could have used some worthwhile research into how to improve the situation. As human beings, we lack role models who can show us the correct way to adapt to life’s newer dimensions – openly same-sex relationships, transgenders, whatever.

I so wanted to give this book five stars. It will change the way I think and approach relationships with women; it has already, and I strongly recommend it to any man with the courage to take it on. You can be sure that anyone who has given this one star (a) probably hasn’t read it and (b) is exactly the worst sort of animal Laura Bates is writing about. But for me at least, it simply has too many flaws.

This book was recommended to me by a young woman who totally related to it. Intrigued, I told her about a recent occasion when I was engaged in a conversation outside with a couple of other people and a woman I know walked past, slapped me across the backside, and said ‘hello’. My first reaction was shock, then I felt slightly flattered for some reason – I didn’t find it offensive at all. Then I began to think: what would happen if I’d done it to her? The consequences would have been dreadful.

I asked the woman who recommended this book if there was a difference between a man doing it to a woman, and a woman doing it to a man. To my surprise she said there was, the latter was OK. I still don’t get that. It seems I still have a lot to learn, then.

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