It's been a while since I did one of these. This my Goodreads review of a book I'd recommend to everyone – Gordon Lawrie
Everyday Sexism by Laura BatesMy rating: 4 of 5 stars
Where to start?
This is NOT a flawless book. The essential theme of Laura Bates’ book is a description of the Everyday Sexism project, in which she invited women to submit their stories and personal experiences detailing harassment, sexual assault, abuse, discrimination, just about ever form of ill-treatment imaginable. The book consists of twelve chapters, most of them devoted in turn to some aspect of society – girls’ experiences, education, the media, politics, motherhood and so on, and in each the structure is the same: Bates describes the problem, then uses copious quotes gathered from her websites and so on as exemplification. There are plenty of quotes, and in truth once you’ve got the general message there’s a temptation (for a man, at least) to skim some of them.
Early on, Laura Bates acknowledges that her research is methodologically imperfect. The women seek her out, which means that by definition she’s generally going to receive endless examples of unhappy women who have had terrible things happen to them. And make no mistake, there are plenty of those examples. However in accepting that her methodology is weak, she airily waves that aside by saying effectively ‘so is all social science research’. Well, Ms Bates, you’re wrong there, and that’s a bit of an insult to social scientists. The thing is, it shouldn’t really matter, but in general the quality of research is guaged by its weakest part, not its strongest, and it might have served the author better to remember that.
Further, some chapters are pretty weak. I wasn’t impressed with the politics chapter especially – too much of the sexist ‘experience’ was from many years previous, and she talks about male domination in politics as if it’s something that no one is trying to address. (And of course, there are plenty of other groups in society who are under-represented in politics, too, such as ethnic minorities, the social classes C2, D and E, rural inhabitants, non-Oxbridge and LBGT.) She really fails to look at why so few women are politicians – is there a correlation, for instance, between where the MP represents and how likely they are to be female? Nor does she acknowledge the efforts made by – and success of – the Scottish Parliament. In general, she relies too much on anecdotal evidence; one-off comments can’t be extrapolated into generalities.
And her own polemic is irritating at times. I began to get annoyed by the number of times she “cried” reading particular things sent in by women, although to be fair that dried up as the book progressed. To quote herself:
“One of the reasons why it is so important to let members of oppressed groups tell their own stories in their own ways is that it’s too easy to think you’re getting it when you’re not.”
Unfortunately, that’s exactly the mistake Laura Bates makes all too often herself.
Too often she makes unsubstantiated statements, which may well be true but need to be backed up by hard objective fact all the same. Sure, women still face the assumption that they won’t be engineers, but it would have been nice to see some concern that women massively outperform men in education generally in the 21st century – better school results, better degrees, more in higher education and so on.
I’d also like to have seen a recognition that women themselves can be the source of the anti-women discrimination. Long ago I used to be a member of golf club where women could only be part-time members, and I led a campaign to allow women full membership. The women were asked if they would like the option, and 133 out of 140 said no, that is they would not like ANYONE to have that option. In the end it was the male members of the club who decided that if one woman wanted to join, then one was enough. It happens.
And yet... this is a life-changing book all the same. At least it was for me. There can be no question that women face a much greater degree of sexism than men do, even although men do face it, too. There’s no question that male primary teachers are still less trusted by parents than ‘comfortable’ female ones. Male PE teachers in particular are targeted for accusations of sexual impropriety, the assumption often being guilty until proven innocent. I’ve experienced sexual ‘touching up’ from women – not very often, mind you.
But three things became clear to me. First of all, the sheer volume of abuse, inappropriate touching or remarks, discrimination, inappropriate assumptions and general denigration of women is wholly on a different scale from what most men can possibly understand. Second – and this was one of those moments that suddenly occurred to me as I was reading the Everyday Sexism, she didn’t write this – it occurred to me that if I’m inappropriately touched or spoken to by a woman, I’m not physically threatened. I can resist, refuse, walk away. That option isn’t open to many women. Sexism really is about power. Finally, Laura Bates says something that I realised is entirely true: men and women don't live in the same world, they live in separate, parallel worlds. And it's hard to see how that could change any time soon.
But I felt that Laura Bates left it too late to deal with the issue of ‘tarring all men with the same brush’. Sure, she does near the end, but we could have done with some worthwhile research about what percentage of men are unaware of the damage they do. We could have used some research into whether sexism is getting better or worse. We could have done with some research into differences in generational attitudes – in women as well as men. Most of all, we could have used some worthwhile research into how to improve the situation. As human beings, we lack role models who can show us the correct way to adapt to life’s newer dimensions – openly same-sex relationships, transgenders, whatever.
I so wanted to give this book five stars. It will change the way I think and approach relationships with women; it has already, and I strongly recommend it to any man with the courage to take it on. You can be sure that anyone who has given this one star (a) probably hasn’t read it and (b) is exactly the worst sort of animal Laura Bates is writing about. But for me at least, it simply has too many flaws.
This book was recommended to me by a young woman who totally related to it. Intrigued, I told her about a recent occasion when I was engaged in a conversation outside with a couple of other people and a woman I know walked past, slapped me across the backside, and said ‘hello’. My first reaction was shock, then I felt slightly flattered for some reason – I didn’t find it offensive at all. Then I began to think: what would happen if I’d done it to her? The consequences would have been dreadful.
I asked the woman who recommended this book if there was a difference between a man doing it to a woman, and a woman doing it to a man. To my surprise she said there was, the latter was OK. I still don’t get that. It seems I still have a lot to learn, then.
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